Dialogue and communication

Children hear everything. Conversations to avoid in front of your children


When parents talk about 'elderly matters' at home, we tend to be discreet in conversations, to avoid our children hearing something that is not suitable for their age or something that they may misinterpret, but in family or social gatherings, led by the enthusiasm of the moment, we neglect ourselves a little more and do not realize that the children hear everything.

My friend Paula told me that when she was seven or eight years old, she was playing with her ball one afternoon and the ball fell close to her mother. She was talking to her aunt, and without realizing that Paula was next to her catching her ball she said: 'My husband likes me to be on top when we do it.' Paula didn't understand what that meant and kept playing ball.

Years later, when Paula was already aware of what sexual relations were, one day the scene she experienced when she was little came to her head, and she understood perfectly what her mother was saying to her aunt. She commented to me surprised how it could be that something without meaning was recorded in her mind, and that years later, suddenly, this memory returned to her memory.

Surely some of you remember an anecdote like this or similar; what I mean is that we must be careful with the conversations or words that we do not want our children to hear, because they are not stupid or deaf, they hear everything and retain everything, even when they seem absorbed in their games.

Also,it is necessary to know how to control the words we use in conversation very well, because parents may want to play a word game or launch an irony or sarcasm and they may not understand it. What will your child think if he hears a saying like 'A bird in hand is better than a hundred flying'?

Even if they do not understand something or do not ask at the moment, they can thread things in the future, or else, in his innocence, make an unexpected or distorted diffusion of an intimate or familiar conversation to everyone who passes by.

Imagine that after that talk you've heard, the first thing they do is tell their friends at school or a teacher. This could remain in a childish nothing, because the worst thing could be that they block themselves, worry about something they should not or that they 'make their conversation', imitating what they have heard. In short, we can find ourselves in unwanted situations because we are not careful enough.

We can and should be able to talk about everything with our children, although each thing in its own time. If there is something that we think that they should not hear at a given moment in their life because they are not yet ready for it, we must ensure that they are not present.

And we do not know if their agile and willing 'antenitas' can capture what we do not want. Sometimes it seems to me that the less we want them to listen to us, the more attentive they are. That is not to mention that our non-verbal language that often gives us away or that can be misinterpreted.

1. Speak badly of other people
It is clear that we cannot get along with everyone and that it is impossible for everyone to like us, but from there to express it verbally ... It is not good to criticize and, above all, speak with insults and negative words from others persons. Doing it in front of our children would not be the best way to educate them in respect, don't you think?

2. Topics of conversation related to problems at home
Taking care of a house involves some headaches for parents and can be a source of conflict and arguments: the distribution of household chores, paying the bills, dealing with the mortgage ... If you have to discuss something your husband And you, it better be when the children are at school or have already gone to bed and make sure 100% that they are asleep and not pretend to be asleep!

3. Couple conflicts
Couples who are not going through their prime often make the mistake of arguing or throwing things at each other in front of children. Sometimes, unfortunately, children are also used as a bargaining chip or to annoy the other (more likely in couples who are in separation or divorce proceedings). These situations can negatively affect children, feeling unloved and causing them a lot of pain and suffering.

4. Talk about diseases
There are very sensitive children who are affected by everything. There are also children who, from a very young age, begin to develop a fear of getting sick and with everything that has to do with doctors, hospitals or clinical tests. If so, perhaps talking in front of your child about whether your neighbor has had an abortion or whether cousin Alejandro is allergic to gluten is not the best thing to do.

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